• My daughter has been playing hockey for 15 years and looks up to other women in the sport.
• Over the years, I've seen how girls' hockey faces inequity and often battles for recognition.
• Women deserve to be in the spotlight in sports, so I'm conflicted about recent events.

My daughter was 11 years old when she first held an Olympic gold medal in her hands. It was one month after the US women's hockey team was victorious at the 2018 Winter Olympics in PyeongChang. A hockey player since age 4, my daughter held the medal while standing next to her idol, Megan Keller.

I snapped a photo of the moment, which felt exciting and bigger than us.

This wasn't the first time my daughter had met players from the US women's national team. A few years earlier, she had attended a meet-and-greet event with the team where many of them signed her jersey.

These moments mattered to my daughter as a young hockey player, and they mattered to me as a hockey mom. They were inspiring, validated her choice to play hockey, and kept us both motivated when others acted surprised that she played hockey or even voiced that it was a sport girls shouldn't — or couldn't — play.

I've thought about these moments a lot over the last week, since the US women's hockey team declined an invitation to the White House, citing scheduling conflicts. That came shortly after that infamous clip from the US men's team locker room made the rounds and sparked a lot of conversations.

Part of me wished they would go, mostly to inspire young girls playing hockey. Part of me understood why they said no, but my feelings aren't that simple.

Even at my daughter's level, boys and girls are treated differently

In 2024, my daughter's team made it all the way to the Michigan Girls' High School Hockey Division 2 state championship game. It was played at USA Hockey Arena in Plymouth, Michigan, which is home to the USA Hockey National Team Development Program, an elite development pipeline for boys.

When her team arrived for the state championship game, I was disappointed to learn that the girls' finals for their two divisions were being held on the facility's practice rink. Meanwhile, all of the boys' state finals were taking place on the main rink.

I was also surprised to hear that the official photographer would shoot only the first period of my daughter's game before leaving to cover one of the boys' games in full on the other rink. I felt disheartened and worried that my daughter might bristle at the situation — but she just rolled her eyes, as if this was just what she expected, and returned her focus to the game.

After my daughter's team won, we were ecstatic, but the message about whose games seemed to matter more was clear. The team still celebrated, and the players and parents didn't let it ruin the moment, yet it was hard not to see the symbolism that even in victory, the girls were off to the side.

I had similar feelings after the US Women's team won gold

Women's hockey is still often treated as less than, and that was on display for all to see in the now-viral clip from inside the US men's team locker room.

I've spent 15 years as a hockey mom taking endless trips to rinks, attending games and tournaments, and sitting for hours on cold bleachers. I've felt joy, excitement, and pride watching my daughter play a game she loves and that I've come to love, too, even though I have never played a minute of it myself.

My sports were basketball and soccer, where the best players could play the entire game. What I respect about hockey, though, is that it's the ultimate team sport. No one stays on the ice for the whole game; players jump over the boards continually, and every line contributes.

I want more for my daughter and her teammates

I respect the women's team's decision. I know it wasn't simple. But women's hockey is still fighting for space, whether on main rinks, in media coverage, or in the national spotlight.

If visiting the White House shone one more spotlight on women's hockey, part of me wishes they would step into it. It matters for young girls to see their heroes there, even if the spotlight is imperfect, because they are watching. Not just when teams show up, but also when they don't.

They notice when games are moved to practice rinks, when cameras leave early, and when arenas fill with thousands of fans, like at Professional Women's Hockey League games. Those moments prove that when women's hockey is given the main rink, people show up, the game matters, and so do the girls who play it, like my daughter.